Whoops!

Have you ever had that thought at the end of the day where you think, " I didn't handle that well.", or "I should not have responded that way" or even, "I missed an opportunity to talk about Jesus".

I'm sure you have as I certainly have. Now imagine you've been living and following Jesus for 3 years as one of his disciples. Over the 3 years you have become close friends with him. He spends a lot of extra time with you, and you love being with him. You'd do anything he asked to show your love. But at the toughest, most challenging time of Jesus' life when HE needed YOU to stand up for him, to be known as one of his closest friends you lie. Not just once, but 3 times! Your fear of being caught out and your own self preservation is a bigger driver than your love. Jesus had even told this was going to happen. Had he given you the heads up in order to prepare you? It seems he was right. Even though you could have been bold, you feel flat on your face. Imagine how overwhelming your feelings of failure would be at the end of THAT day!

Peter. The man who was called by Jesus "The Rock", turned out on this occasion to be a little pebble. I'm so grateful for Peter. For his passion and conviction, but he is like one of us. He failed. In a monumental spectacular fashion. No-one else really knows about my failures unless I share them. Peter's however, are recorded in all 4 Gospel accounts for all of us to read again and again.

Now, imagine you're Peter who then sees Jesus after the resurrection. You're thrilled, overjoyed and excited. Then you remember what you did. That awkward, embarrassed feeling rises. You may not be able to quite look Jesus in the eye. If you do, you find yourself looking away.

You find yourself alone with Jesus and you're looking down at your feet ignoring his gaze and he asks you if you love him. You note he's reverted back to calling you Simon. It's like you're back to square one. No longer  Peter "The Rock". You get a little frustrated, but through this short chat you tell Jesus you really do love him.

Nowhere is it recorded that Peter says sorry to Jesus for what happens, bit rude, but if you go back to the account of Peter's denial it says that after his lies he goes and weeps bitterly. There we see him repenting, asking for forgiveness and in light of Jesus death and resurrection Peter can meet his teacher and friend as his saviour as well.

At the end Peter's chat, he is recommissioned to follow Jesus and is given a prophetic word again, this time for the toughest time in his own life. Church tradition has it that Peter was crucified, but as he felt unworthy to die the same way as Jesus he asked that he be killed upside down. Peter really did finish well!

Jesus and Peter - what a story that not just talks about God's love, mercy and faithfulness it shouts it out from the tallest tower and it's echoes and sound waves give us hope and a way to find our relationships restored. Our failures and mistakes never causes the Father to turn us away. The cross of Jesus and the love of the Father means our repentance leads Jesus to turns to us with a smile on his face and says "Come on then, follow me!"

A harvest of Joy!

Today I was reading a post online about season's of sewing and reaping. As I read prayerfully I was reminded of God's promise.

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy" Psalm 126:5

The important ingredient is faith, without which it is impossible to please God. To have faith that God is faithful. In the days, months and years of choosing to trust that God will fulfil His promises to us is tough. It is a choice where we say, or sometimes just whisper, "Even though I can't see it, you have said it, you ARE good, so I'm going to wait expectantly for you to come through".

Now don't get me wrong. This isn't something that I find easy. Far from it! I have many times when my natural eyes and circumstances scream louder that nothing is going to change. It doesn't look like it will ever change and I stay there for a bit. I have not got this one sorted. However, I don't stay there. I take my frustrations to the Father and He is so kind and merciful. He is not uncaring and dismissive. After a while, (sometimes it's a bit longer than is helpful!) I am able to come back to the place of faith.

How? Sometimes it's choosing to worship. Sometimes it's choosing to give thanks. At other times I read a blog from a Christian writer. It can be through sharing my pain with a close friend, but I do come back to a place of faith. I remember who God is, and not focus on my circumstances.

The verse I quoted earlier is from Psalm 126, which is a Psalm of Ascent. These were said by the people as they travelled up to Jerusalem to celebrate one of the Jewish Festivals. It is also believed that Priests recounted these Psalms as they climbed the steps to the Temple.

This Psalm celebrates God's faithfulness to His people, how He restored their land and their position of God's chosen people. After years of slavery, exile and living under the rule of ungodly leaders their song was to give thanks and praise for God's faithfulness. To honour Him for His provision and a was a testament to His character.

Those who choose to sew, even though it is costly, will reap an abundance from Him.

Taste And See that the Lord is good!

8 Years ago I spent an incredible 3 months in Australia. I look back and it is amazing to recollect how it all came together!

I was coming to the end of my time at Youth For Christ in Gloucester and was wondering what next. I felt like I wanted a break, do something completely different for a bit. Hmmm, how about Australia?
Was it a passing thought or a pipe dream? At that point it certainly felt like a Mission Impossible!

As I began to think and pray about this I found that I was being bombarded by things to do with Australia. I'd turn on the TV and an Australian was talking, I'd read the news and Australia was mentioned I oftern spend time in coffee shops on my own with my Bible and journal to help me take some time out with the Father. I recall one afternoon where a pair of young lads were sat close to me and were talking very loudly. I couldn't help but catch wind of their conversation and when they mentioned Australia I said to the Father, "This is becoming ridiculous,OK, OK, I get the hint!"

I contacted the National Centre of British Youth For Christ to begin enquiring if there was the opportunity to volunteer in Australia. Over a number of months conversations were had and it was agreed that I would be the first person from British YFC to go and volunteer with Australia YFC.

I then had to focus on fundraising. I needed money for flights, for my board and food and then some spending money. By the time I was ready to go God had provided £1000 more than my minimum figure. Just incredible. So not only was I able to bless those I was with I had plenty of money to be able to enjoy my 3 months.




As with any mission trip there were challenges, but what an adventure I had. How privileged to work alongside people who were passionate about seeing young people in Australia come to know Jesus and grow in their relationship with God. I was welcomed as part of the family and visited some truly beautiful places. I fell in love with the Australia. Can you blame me?

18 months ago I went back to test and explore options to be able to move there for a longer period. It didn't work out as I hoped. But the Father's words to me then were taste and see that the Lord is good and His words today give me hope for my future:

"I know it didn't work out how you thought - but it's not finished yet. There are more trips ahead and so many more adventures. My travelling Angels are waiting for the time set aside for these adventures.

There are new people, new places, new memories. And you will bring my name and Kingdom with you!"

Well, the only way I'll be there will be God working things out. Here's to my next Australian Mission Impossible Papa!

20 days on the Father's Faithfulness.

From tomorrow our church are starting our annual 40 days of fasting, split over two 20 day periods. The first 20 days are particularly for areas where we are seeking breakthrough, change and alignment in areas of our lives, for ourselves and others in church.

We're linking with the Hebraic Calendar being the year '5779', and as this is the last year of the decade focused on seeing there's a definite slant and emphasis on vision. 20/20 vision!

I spent time journalling asking the Father how I should spend the first 20 days, was there a verse, promise or theme I should focus on? I felt Him ask me to spend some time remembering His steadfast love and faithfulness and then blog on His revelation.

"Remember the stories of my faithfulness, 

In my word, in your life and the lives of others. 

Find them and share them!" 

Collect them and re-collect them."

A few weeks ago I shared in my homegroup that I was struggling with feelings of failure during this season of preparation, frustration in the time of waiting on God's intervention, wondering how things were ever going to change. The following morning on the way to work I saw a van that said, 'Mission Impossible' on and knew it was God grabbing my attention to encourage me. God doesn't just dabble in the Impossible He delights in demonstrating His love by doing the Impossible again and again.

On Sunday morning someone shared a prophetic word of encouragement. That God sees our heart, and our struggles. But to remember that He is the God of the impossible and I remembered the van from a few weeks. So I don't know all the stories that the Holy Spirit will direct me to over the next 20 days, but I'm sure many will have looked like a...

  

Tenx9

There is much about the night of 10 May 2012 that I have never shared. The night when my next door neighbour's home exploded and I had to run from my home for fear of being killed as my home disintegrated around me.

So what better time to share this than at Greenbelt, in a marquee in front of over 100 strangers? A group from Belfast called Tenx9, were running an evening. The premise is nine people have up to ten minutes to share a true story from their life. The theme for Saturday night was Change. With the encouragement and support from a few friends I decided to share some of my story.

Writing about the event meant remembering, walking through the night and the subsequent weeks. I remembered aspects that I had forgotten. It stirred up incredibly painful memories and emotions. To write around 1400 words took approximately 12-15 hours, around half a packet of tissues and a few more hours digging through some of the few belongings that had been returned to me. It has poked at another layer that I need to bring to Jesus and has encouraged me to write more about some of the emotions and issues I worked through, and am continuing to.

On the Saturday evening I began to feel nervous and anxious around an hour and half before the session. I took myself off and spent time in praise and prayer. This was one of the toughest talks I have undertaken yet. Every time I had practised my story I had wept. A lot! I am so incredibly thankful to Jesus for His peace, presence and words of encouragement. As I worshipped Jesus, He told me to ,'Take Courage, go in the strength you have.' 

I was incredibly nervous as I waited for the evening to begin, and searching for my friends to come and sit with me. As the evening began I realised who I would be speaking after, Ian Mobsy and Nadia Bolz-Webber. Authors and regular speakers at various events. Great, not much to follow. 

Without further ramblings, here is what I shared that Saturday night at Greenbelt. 

I heard a loud bang and looked up to locate its origin. What I saw was the top right hand corner of my lounge wall collapsing and I could see out onto the road. I thought the house was going to fall on top of me. My ‘flight’ response kicked in as I dashed out my front door praying, ‘God just let me get out of the house!’

I ran out onto the street. My next door neighbour’s house had been reduced to rubble. Those pictures you’ve seen from war-torn Countries where homes have been decimated by bombs? That is what I saw before me. I wanted to go back into the house to get some things whilst I could. But a neighbour said no-one should go into either of the houses that were next to the house that was no rubble. There was a girl standing on the rubble. I don’t know how she got there. The joining wall of my neighbour’s house had disappeared and I could see inside. All three floors were exposed. It felt like an intrusion into their privacy. I couldn’t look back at the damage of my home. Something stopped me. Like if I didn’t look at it, it hadn’t happened.

People from the street came out to see what was going on. In a daze I walked past inquisitive neighbours who were trying to find the cause of the loud bang, that shattered the peace at 6:40 on a Thursday evening. I sat on a wall at the end of the road. A stranger asked what happened. ‘My next door neighbour’s house collapsed- it’s just a pile of rubble’

I had run out of the house with nothing but thankfully I was wearing boots and a coat as I had been planning to leave to see some friends. The stranger asked if I wanted to borrow a phone to call for some help. The only phone number I could remember was my parents, who live over 100 miles away and at the time were on holiday overseas! He took me into his home so I could contact friends online.

Through Facebook I explained to my friend Paul what had happened and asked him to come and pick me up. As I waited for him to arrive the emergency services appeared. I spoke with a fireman and asked if he knew if I could get back into the house. He didn’t know, but said he’d ask. He never returned with an answer. Someone offered me a can of beer. I drank a few sips and left the can on the floor and walked away.

I don’t know how long it was until Paul picked me up. A policeman asked if I wanted to talk with the local press. I spouted something out, the Policeman clearly thought I must be in shock. I stated adamantly that God had saved us pointing to the sky recalling a rainbow I’d seen. He probably thought, ‘poor lass’, he told Paul to take me home and give me a sugary tea. ‘I don’t like tea!’ I exclaimed and stormed off.

Paul drove me back to his family home where his wife Nia greeted me with a hug. She fed me then took me shopping. All I had were the clothes on my back. The shock numbed any interest in shopping. My need overtook the luxury of choice. I didn’t care what it looked like. I just needed some clothes, a toothbrush, underwear, pyjamas, deodorant and socks.

The next few days were clouded in shock and denial. I felt numb and couldn’t take it in. Even after seeing photos of the explosion in the local and national press. And there was my dress, hanging in the spare bedroom for all to see as the back wall of the house was no longer there. The authorities reported that it was an explosion from a gas leak. A year later the investigation was closed – they never found the source of the leak. I’d contacted lots of people and explained to them what had happened. I spoke to my parents and they were coming down to see me. I asked them to give me a few days first.

 I spent time imagining where I’d go to collect belongings once I was allowed back into the house. The items that were precious to me. I knew exactly where they were, what I’d collect if they just gave me 5 minutes.  Paul took me back to the house and a structural engineer went in to collect my car keys. But he couldn’t tell me if I could go back in yet. Come back tomorrow. They could tell me more then. The following day when I returned to the house my hopes were destroyed like my neighbours home. It wasn’t safe for me to go in to retrieve anything. The house was standing up on 3 breeze blocks and it could collapse at any time. No, no, no this can’t be happening. The emotions overwhelmed me as I realised it had all gone. I’d lost everything. I walked away and felt pain. Just pain. I had never felt so much pain. I did not know what to do with it. I didn’t know how to show it, I wanted to let it out but did not know how.

I’d been out of work for 6 weeks. Benefits did not cover all my outgoings so at this point I had no contents insurance. I was renting the house but the majority of its contents were mine. I cut outgoings to pay my bills. I didn’t factor in the possibility of my next door neighbour’s house exploding. So what now?

I spent a month living with Paul’s family. They provided me with shelter, food and a safe place to rest. It was a distraction to help deal with some of the practical things. I had time with friends and family. But so many were wondering how to help me. People reflected their own fears back to me. They wanted to fix it. They wanted to help. They wondered how on earth they would deal with it if it happened to them. But I didn’t know how to deal with it. Besides, they didn’t have to deal with it. I did.

There was an occasion where Paul suggested one evening we watch a film, ‘Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang?’ he enquired. I laughed and said why not. I was able to laugh but had not yet really been able to cry.

 After a month living with Paul’s family I moved into a small furnished flat and began to grieve. I had to do this on my own. It was so raw, too raw to share. So much of what we think life should look like was not where I found myself. I knew I shouldn’t compare my life to others, but given the circumstances… I had no job, no family here, no insurance and no partner to comfort me. I didn’t really know where to start. How do you begin to live again after nearly dying and losing everything as well? I had no framework to work with. Where do you begin? Wondering how to rebuild life. Did I even want to rebuild? What was the point in rebuilding, it could all go tomorrow? There were times when the pain was paralysing. Would it ever stop hurting? People said, At least you’re alive’ I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be in the rubble. I imagined being back in the house and not running. Damn my flight response! If this was life I didn’t want it. I was just surviving. Just get through the day. Rebuilding would come later.

The house was demolished a few days after the explosion and workmen sifted through the rubble and collected some items for me to retrieve. Some people wonder about how much God is involved in the details of our lives, but as I picked up some of the cd’s that had been retrieved I laughed and cried as I saw some of the titles. One by Lynden David Hall, entitled, ‘Medicine for my pain’ Another by Blur entitled, ‘Modern Life is rubbish’ And the debut album by Shed Seven called, ‘Change Giver’ The explosion is not all of my story, but I’d forgotten how big an event it was, sharing this here has reminded me that it has changed me. I am not the same. It sometimes it feels like I’m talking about someone else, did that really happen to me? I’ve shared details I have never shared before and it has helped me to own it, this did happen, it is awful and my life changed with a big bang.

Walking but not sure where to.

Over recent weeks I have been asked, 'What do you want to do?' or 'What is your dream job?' These are questions that I have not had an answer for. Well probably not an answer that most people want to hear!

There are, however, some things I do know.

I go back to when I was 14 years old, I went to an Oasis tour event called, 'Dirty Hands'. This subtle title was a National Tour encouraging and challenging the Church to stop watching and get involved in building God's Kingdom. At the end of this meeting I stood and made a commitment to God. To share His love and build His Kingdom. I was known as a Christian at School and found it easy to talk about my faith. I thought this was normal! I couldn't understand why others wouldn't want to, or were shy?

Not quite 10 years later I attended Mission Training College where I was given the opportunity to try lots of different things. One was Schools work. I fell in love with it and spent over ten years being involved in youth work. After finishing at The Rock I was already in a place where I felt I should be moving on from focusing on youth work. A few ideas were brewing. And then; the explosion.

I now recognise that so much more went than just my belongings. I realise I'd experienced an intrusion where dreams had been stolen and I can do something about it. I understand that when we suffer an injustice where the enemy has intruded, we can present our case before God. We can point towards the enemy and give an account of what has been taken in complete confidence that we will receive justice AND compensation. And that is where I'm at over my dreams.

As I look back, I am beginning to remember why I stood as a 14 year old. Why I went to Mission College and why I went into youth evangelism and youth work in Churches. Jesus. His love and how he transforms life. Is there anything else worth giving your life too? And after all I've experienced I can say with more certainty that nothing else will do. What else can I give my life too?What else lasts? What else can bring hope amidst rubble? Can replace beauty for ashes? It's still a heart's burden. To share and show Jesus love and to support others as they follow Jesus. Perhaps I needed to look back and remember before I could look forward.

So my answer to the question, 'What is your dream job?' I want to be involved in Building God's Kingdom. Seeing many come to Jesus. Receive healing, freedom and experience the spiritual life we were all designed for.

I don't know any other details, but God has declared He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper and not to harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future. So if you want to know the rest of the answer, ask God. That's what I'm doing!

Does My Story Matter?

During my weekend at Greenbelt I found that I talked about what had happened to me during the last 16 months to many people. Mostly because I saw people who I hadn't seen for a while. During the weekend I recalled aspects of my recent past that I had not thought about for some time. I remembered points on the journey and saw the enormity of all that I had experienced. It has been intense and painful. I came away from Greenbelt with a burden to begin to write about it. I've been prompted about it for a while, but have been unwilling to allow these prompts to compel me into taking action.

I have much to cover, circumstances of my birth, surviving meningitis, my adoption, family life and the argument at the age of 23 when I was told about my adoption. (Yes, really!) This is before I get to the events of the last 16 months. But it has been these months during which everything has been stripped away forcing me to examine these deep roots. It has pierced emotions and raised questions, doubts and uncertainties. God has shone his light on lies I believed about myself, fears and wrong beliefs.

There are 2 reasons why I didn't want to write about my story. Firstly, it would mean examining some areas that are still very raw. I didn't want to write about them, think about them and tear at the scars. The second is more complex. Was I ready to make myself this vulnerable, to share some of this stuff, because it could fall on deaf ears, does my story matter, and this is the biggest hurdle for me, what if at my most vulnerable I am again rejected or ignored?

But this is the litmus paper of the last 16 months. To see and know deep in my spirit that no matter who may come or go in my life, from the moment of my conception I have been loved. That fears of rejection are based on lies and I refuse to let them back in. To shout from the rooftops that every step of my life I have been accompanied and accepted. That Jesus has never abandoned me.  So no matter who does or does not read about my story,(and actually I know at least a few people will read it!)  Jesus will read it. Jesus will sit with me as I write it. And he never gets bored of me sharing it. He says, Michelle your story matters.

Best Laid Plans...

I had intended to blog about my time following 40 Acts during Lent. I had intended to focus on other things. But life got in the way. Life sometimes hurts. A lot!

During Lent I had volunteered to help with a gathering of Streams Teachers at my church on a Saturday. http://www.streamstrainingcentre.co.uk/ I was going to be looking after the teachers by making sure they were 'fed and watered' throughout the day. No problems. But during this day I was 'whacked' with my stuff. My emotions were smashed around and I finished the day having a good old cry with one of the teachers sitting with me. There was nothing she could say to change the situation. It's those questions for which the answers have yet to arrive. During the day I had heard how some of my questions had been answered for other people. God had answered them. He hadn't answered me. And it hurt. A lot!

I gathered myself together taking the many tissues that lay beside me to the bin, and with a deep breath turned my attention to cleaning up the kitchen. Just to get things tidy and get out of there. With the help of other people this was done in good time. I put my coat on to leave and then I noticed it was gone. One of my rings.

With the help of Tony and Dwee we searched around the kitchen and emptied the bin to try and find my ring, but it was nowhere to be found. The only pieces of jewellery I had after the house explosion was my 2 silver rings. Not expensive. They weren't presents or family heirlooms, I had bought them myself. 30 minutes earlier I had sat on the sofa weeping besides a kind lady, looking intently at the ring that was no longer on my finger. The ring had markings on it that resembled rough waves. I had sat there reflecting on how my life was like that ring. Choppy, rough, overwhelming. Because my emotions had been stirred up, a storm was raging inside me. And now that ring was lost overboard.

I went home with wearing my last piece of pre explosion jewellery. And like the bang from my next door neighbour's house last May something went bang inside me. All the intense emotions I experienced came flooding back. Firstly numbness, then shock. My ring had been on finger 30 minutes earlier and then it was gone. Heart wrenching grief. Such pain, such deep, deep pain. I wept and wept. I had lost so much last year and losing my ring had ripped open the wound to expose soft emotional tissue that needed to see the light. I cannot explain it. In life I have not experienced much loss so have little to compare it too. I had no words. Just floods of tears that was closer to wailing. No sound came. Only pain.

The following day at Church, I could not contain the pain. I simply wept. I could do no

Days 2 - 3

Day 2 - Valentines Day

The Act today was focused on sharing love with people. I had already prepared a Valentines playlist on Spotify, which I shared with single friends. This seemed to go down well with quite a few people. A simple but thoughtful gesture on a day that us singles can sometimes find pretty tough.The rest of my attempts to demonstrate love and friendship were not so smooth! I discovered the potential pitfalls when you attempt to to do something on the a spur of the moment. I had an idea of driving to a friend's to surprise them and catch up. I decided on making a quick phone call, as they live around an hour away, and after offering to come and see them.They weren't too bothered, and would happily see me in a couple of weeks. Ah! Ok...

Then a light bulb moment. I could surprise a teenager from Church! Moulin Rouge was being shown at our local cinema. I could arrange with her parents to pick her up and treat her for Valentines. It's something I would have loved someone to do for me. But the light bulb blew. She already had plans... So what to do?

I ended up treating myself. A pair of shoes I'd seen a few months ago and tried on, but couldn't justify the money as I didn't really need them, but today I saw they were reduced to £10. So I did the 'love your neighbour as yourself!'



Day 3 - Being Thankful

We were encouraged to consider different ways that we could say thank you to people. I often meet with a friend who isn't a Christian but over the years has been a constant and grown into a close and valued friend. So during one of our regular coffee and chats I made a point of explaining what I was doing and said that I wanted to say thank you for their friendship. Thank you. It's such a simple word but I wondered when the last time I had specifically thanked this friend for being in my life.

From there I went to see another friend who knows what I doing for Lent. When they asked me how I was finding it and what I was doing today I was able to respond, 'I'm loving it! And you're part of my act today! We were encouraged to say thank you. So this is me saying thank you. Thank you for making me part of the family, for your friendship, encouragement and for all you bring to our Church
community at The Bridge!'

In some ways these two days sit nicely alongside each other. I love and am immensely thankful for the people I share my life with. In all probability, if you're reading this now, that includes you. So with that in mind...

40 Acts For Lent

I wondered what to give up for Lent this year. I toyed with TV, Twitter and even coffee before I decided on joining in with the 40 Acts for Lent. It’s run in association with Stewardship UK. Each day you are given ideas as to how to bless the people and to be generous to others. Check the website out here:

http://www.40acts.org.uk/

I have decided that to continue to live out my faith that God will provide for my needs, and not to be overcome by fear I am going to be generous during Lent. I don’t have loads of money at my disposal but I will be following the suggestions each day and we'll see what God does!

Day One: Generosity Kit Prep

Today we were challenged to put together a ‘kit’ of things we could carry around to be able to bless others. I really didn't know what to put in as at the moment my contact with people on a day-to-day basis can be fairly limited. So using the inspiration of others I chose some tissues, some pens, and some mints to carry in my bag. 

Towards the end of the day I had an appointment and ended up having to wait about 15 minutes to be seen. As I was waiting someone else came in. As they sat down in the waiting area I picked up on them sniffing. I offered them a tissue and ended up giving them the pack. She’d had a cold for a couple of days and I had bought the tissues with menthol so these were perfect for someone struggling with a cold! What a great start, God can use my little pack of tissues to be a blessing to others. 

‘ What do you want?’ John 1:36

This is a question Jesus asks to 2 of John the Baptist’s followers. In the following verse their response is recorded. They don’t answer the question. Instead they ask Jesus another question. Why did they change the subject?

We all have our avoidance techniques.God gave us free will to change the subject. We all have the capacity to accept Him, and the capacity to reject Him. This does not change when we decide to follow Him. We still have free will in deciding how much of Him we want. We have the choice of how honest we are with Him. We can put God into a box that we can understand. A box that doesn't disrupt our lives or disturb our comfort.  If we want more of God it leads to a life with Father, Son and Holy Spirit on the most incredible adventure. I know I want more and I know many others who join me in this desire.     

But there is something I have to address. Our stuff. The emotional baggage that we carry. The disappointments from the past, the fears that overwhelm us, the lies that we believe about ourselves and lies we believe about what God thinks about us. Most of this stuff we carry and have carried for so long we don’t even know it’s there. It generally only shows itself when we’re under pressure. When life throws us one of the many curve balls from around a corner and knocks our  ‘stuff’ to the surface. It’s when we’re around someone that for an unknown reason you want to punch very hard in the face. An encounter with them annoys you so much you end up talking about it for the next 3 or 4 days with anyone who'll listen.

I have my stuff. But it's a lot less than I did 7 months ago. Isaiah 53:5 ‘...by his wounds we are healed.’ This is my testimony. I have been introduced to a model called More Light. 'Oh right! Another amazing miracle working model...' Now please pay attention to how you are reacting. Because you'll be reacting out of your pain,  past experiences, doubts, lies and the big one, fear. I know, because I've been there. More Light is not counselling. It is focused on exposing the lies we believe and hearing the truth from Jesus. It brings freedom, healing, it works and is quick. It is the only model where we 'test the spirit's and anything that has influence over us is revealed and we can send it away in the name of Jesus. As we seek more of God, His Spirit and presence we allow Him to reveal these lies. But it is our choice to do something about it or as John’s followers did, change the subject.

Some of you may know that I am adopted. It is normal for adopted people to carry specific stuff attached to this fact. Through 2 different dreams, (one involving my current rugby crush so that got my attention!) God highlighted fears of intimacy and fears abandonment that I carried. I made an appointment for More Light and sat with 2 people from Church who walked me through the process. One person facilitates and one person records what happens. You begin with your feelings. The emotions that we have are rooted in an incident from our past. So for this More Light session we asked the Holy Spirit to take me back to the beginning of my life. I had a picture of little baby Michelle in an incubator. I was battling against meningitis. During the session I repented from being angry at my mum, forgave her, and renounced feelings of shame,  anxiety and abandonment that came from my mum. There were other lies that were sent away, and the truth in the picture was I saw Jesus holding baby Michelle by the incubator.

I asked Jesus, ‘Do I need to feel abandoned? Jesus answered, ‘ No. I've always had you in my arms. In the future, you never need to feel abandoned, only if you choose to feel that way’.

Jesus said, ‘ I'll never let you go and your future is a beautiful City filled with love, joy and laughter.’  

Over many years I have struggled with fears in times of financial difficulty. Through this session I understood the underlying fear was rooted in the lie that God would abandon me in my times of need. 4 days after this session I had a bill come through. I am still not working and money is still tight. But I simply paid the bill. My emotions were at peace, not frozen by fear. I was at rest in the truth that Jesus had and will always have me in his arms. He will never abandon me. This is just part of one of many More Light sessions. God has used the pain and trauma of last May and my home to bring into the light, areas of pain I've been limping with for decades.It has been draining, but the healing that I've found is priceless. In fact, on the Sunday before the house explosion God gave me the word, 'Restore' and that is what I've been experiencing!

So I am sharing this as I don’t want you, my friends, to carry on limping. I want you to be healed, to be free from fears, lies and the past that holds you back in fulfilling the call Jesus has placed on your life. But I know not everyone who reads this will do something about it. That is not my responsibility and I won’t lose sleep over it. Not everyone follows Jesus, not everyone wants all of God, and not everyone wants to be healed. If you want information about More Light come back to me. My prayer is you'll be courageous, you won’t ignore what has been stirring in you as you've been reading this and get some freedom. But if you don't want to get healed that’s your choice, I'm healed enough to not let your decisions affect me.  I can only be responsible for me.

  

Did all Pharisees think the same about Jesus?

At Church on Friday while putting myself 'into' a Bible passage, this was my result. It's based on Matthew 22:15 - 22.

My name is Jacob and I'm a disciple of one of the Pharisees. I tend to report to Zachariah, he's not a bad man, he's just young, like me I guess. He's 30 and I'm 24.

Zachariah is getting stressed along with the other leaders by the teacher Jesus. Everyday they're stressing about the politics. The relationship between the Romans and us seems to be getting more delicate by the day. As a result Zachariah and the others are constantly thinking of ways to discredit Jesus. The people love him, and to be honest, I find his teachings easier to understand than my leaders here. But, you didn't hear that from me right?!

The Sadducees are also under threat, but they tend to deal with the higher ceremonial stuff. " Upper classes, up their own ar  ahem..." Zachariah says.

So after today's leaders meeting, I get "asked" to go to where Jesus is with a group of other disciples to confront Jesus in front of a big crowd. Zachariah thinks the plan will backfire, but HIS boss, Jehu, is dead set on it. Thinks it'll shut Jesus up for good. Me? I'm just following orders!

When we catch up with Jesus, we have to push our way through the crowd to get close enough to speak with him. I try and keep my head down. I don't really want to challenge Jesus. I know I'll end up looking like an idiot, and having fallen down the Temple steps on many occasions, I need no ones help to do something embarrassing. Thankfully Jedekiah, who is close to passing his exams to become a fully qualified Pharisee, and has an ego the size of Mount Sinai, nominates himself as spokesman.

"Teacher", he begins, and a few of my friends try unsuccessfully to hide their giggling and sarcastic faces " we know that you're an honourable man, and you follow God's law..." Someone leans over to me and whispers, "Nice bit of buttering up!" Jedekiah continues, "... and you're not persuaded easily by others. So we'd like to know your opinion on an issue that these people here have to contend with day-in day-out. Should we pay tax to Caesar?"

Everybody turned to look at Jesus, and waited for his response. Jesus replied, "Seriously?! Is this an attempt to set a trap?" I wasn't sure if Jesus was more amused by our question or our feeble attempt to get him in trouble. "Someone pass me a coin?" Jesus asked. Jedekiah came over to me and demand that I gave him a coin. I dutifully obeyed, thinking, 'I better get that coin back...it's my lunch money!'

Jesus held the coin between his right finger and thumb, lifted his hand in the air and in a loud voice asked, " Who's the person on this coin?" I love when Jesus does this, really involves and includes his listeners. Jedekiah replies smugly, " Caesar."

To which Jesus responds, " So give it back to him - it's clearly his. He's got his picture on it and everything!" Jesus rides the laugh. Great timing that man! As the laughter subsides, Jesus continues, "And give to God what is His." The last word he says while looking directly at me. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. That would make for a nasty and messy experience.

As Jesus and his disciples walked off through the crowd, who were cheering loudly, our group all turned to look at Jedekiah. He had become quite pale. After what seemed like an age, he regained his composure and stormed off. We all duly followed, keeping our heads down as the crowd mocked us as we past.


As I returned to the Temple, thoughts flooded my mind.
Was ANYONE ever going to stop Jesus?
What was his intention, his plan?
Did he HAVE a plan?

The only thing I was sure of was; it wasn't the last time we'd seen or heard from Jesus. And any thoughts I had of me quite liking him, had to be kept to myself.

Thoughts for a Thursday. Greenbelt 2012

Over the last 10 years God has been stripping away areas of my identity.During my second year at Bible College I was told that I was adopted. I've struggled to settle into a role since finishing with Gloucester YFC and again find myself unemployed. Then experiencing a dramatic removal of practically all my belongings was the pinnacle of having my sense of self being stripped back to the core. It's easy to glibly say you're a child of God and that's where your identity comes from. But over the last couple of months it truly has been at the centre of walking through the pain. It has and continues to be raw but I know that deep in my soul and spirit God is stripping away all that will hold me back from His plans for my future. I was coming to terms with this and seeking the next step for the future, then last Thursday I received a message that my purse had been found on the landfill site where my belongings had ended up after the house demolition. To say that this put me in an emotional tailspin is an understatement. I went to bed that night unable to stop my thoughts whirling in my head. I had made peace with the loss I had experienced and felt like I'd accepted that I was never going to see most of what had made me me. So to hear that my purse was coming back to me was a huge shock. Questions arose, 'Why now?' 'Why this and not something more precious?' This led to more anger, pain and confusion. Not really how I'd envisaged my Greenbelt eve. After setting up camp on the Friday I picked up my purse. For some reason I expected it to look the same so I was shocked when I saw it. It looks like a house has fallen on it, because of course it had.

I'd like to share some of my Greenbelt highlights with you. Amidst the emotional whirlwind I did enjoy a number of activities. As result of little sleep and deep fried emotions I was unsure how I should spend my first evening at Greenbelt. I decided upon accompanying a friend to watch the film Blue Like Jazz. It's an adaptation of a novel by Donald Miller with the same title. I knew nothing about the narrative and found the film to be beautiful and enthralling. The journey of a young man disillusioned with his faith after discovering those closest to him have not lived out all they profess to believe. I won't write too much as I'd love you to discover it for yourselves as I did. Here's the trailer and I am eagerly waiting for the film to be released here:

 

I attended a number of worship spaces that were fairly diverse. These included sessions led by The Rend Collective Experiment and Andy Flannagan. These were exciting opportunities to engage with God, His heart and also to pour out a few more tears! On another occasion I found myself among families celebrating Mass to the tunes of Nursery Rhymes. There was a lightness and fun to the short service. My highlight was the little boy next to me asking his dad, 'Where's Jesus' tortoise?' In response to the phrase we had just sung, '...that Jesus taught us.' But it will not be a surprise to read I went to a Eucharist consisting of sung worship using the songs of U2! (Although one Coldplay track pushed its' way in...but as it was Paradise I let it go. It linked nicely with this years theme.) God has spoken to me often through the lyrics of U2 and this time was no exception. Especially during the track Walk On, http://www.elyrics.net/read/u/u2-lyrics/walk-on-lyrics.html   If you check the lyrics out I think you'll be able to guess my response!

There were a few musical highlights. Charlie Simpson's new material shows he's grown up, a new artist David C Clements provided heartfelt lyrics alongside beautiful acoustic melodies. I again enjoyed Luke Leighfield and I think I joined the majority of Greenbelt watching The Proclaimers! There were a number of other artists I'd planned to see but ended up taking some time to chat with friends over a pint in the Jesus Arms. 

I had planned a list of seminars to go to over the weekend but felt so drained I only managed a few. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Tom Wright and Robin Ince, but the highlight was Jonny Bakers talk entitled Another World Is Possible. It seemed to provide a map for my experience with key codes to the reading of my map. Unsurprisingly I had a good weep again through this, but am hugely thankful and will be downloading this to think through the points that struck home so clearly. 

Every evening finished with Last Orders. The evening has two hosts; Andy Walton and Abby Guinness, (surely there must be a joke/reference to the black stuff there...) and takes the format of a late night TV program with interviews and guest performers. It's a great opportunity to catch up on some good stuff you may have missed.

Of course the highlight of any Greenbelt is the lovable trio Folk On! (Your response...). I've been a passionate fan for many a year now. Of course I live quite close to their home of Little Dribblepatch so often understand their weather reports via twitter and facebook. If you have yet to experience the joy of their songs here's a little taster from this year that I recorded. Apologies for the wobble. I promise this was one of the few occasions where they were tears of laughter! Of course you have to have a crush on a band member or something would be wrong, right? And who can resist a man who can sing falsetto? Not me apparently...

The 'Men of Folk' have been very kind and generous to me during this roller coaster. Now if they can find me a nice folk singer of my very own, they'll be a shoe-in for the wedding reception! Rugby season starts on Saturday, so Mr S will be safe and I'll be in love with some rug-by play-ers!

Poems

Last night was my Church Christmas Party. I decided to read out 2 poems I wrote whilst at College. Each poem resulted from retreat days exploring different Bible passages. Last night friends at Church encouraged me to spend some more time writing more poetry. Bit weird really...never thought of myself as a poet! I guess this is the first step. The first one I'm not massively pleased with but was my first poem since school.Perhaps I'll spend a bit of time re-writing it. The second one I'm much happier with. So, here they are...

For this lifestyle you will need.

For this lifestyle you will need:

A new pair of running shoes, bouncy and strong,
A double-edged sword that's glistening and long,
A jacket that's padded to hinder a knife,
A gauntlet is needed to safeguard your life.
The Bridegroom's not here so it's time to fast
Keep your lamp filled with oil, to ensure that it lasts.

The oven is ready; you should be too,
To answer the knock of the Servant King Jew,
Be loving, compassionate, to the poor and the needy,
Give food to the hungry and not to the greedy!
Be prudent and foster the talents he's given.
Remember you're loved, accepted, forgiven.

The oven goes,'PING!', there's a knock at the door,
'It's the Master! He's back!' You're dumbstruck with awe.
The music is pumping, the party's begun
You've run well my friend, yes you have, you've won!
But wait, in the corner, who's that in the seat?
It's your Master, and he's waiting to wash clean your feet.
In confusion you ask, 'Why do this for me?'
He says, 'I'm completing the work begun on the tree.'


Position at Work

My new job description came through last year
Scanning it quickly produced trepidation and fear.
There was only one are it chose disclose
"Be a leader for others", was all that arose
From the paper I held in my quivering hand,
I had to sit quickly, I could no longer stand.

I read it again, this can't be right
perhaps this been some kind of...oversight!
I'm not like those leaders in Churches around.
I best just ignore it, stick my head in the ground!
"Don't ask me to do it, it's thorny like roses."
The reply simply said, "Stop being like Moses!"

My objection grew stronger, "I'm not a good speaker
Whatever I say sounds like the Muppet Beaker!"
"You're beautiful, unique, and have much work to do
You're promotion is simply because you are you!"
As these words echoed round my confused spinning head
I began to remember the words He's once said.

He'd told me to obey, and follow Him wherever.
Did He ever say it would be easy? - Hmmm, no! Never!
I had taken my previous job with too much self-reliance
I realised I must submit, and stop this God defiance.
Although I don't quite understand why He's chosen me.
I WILL trust Him, as He said, He was, He is, and always will be.

Guidance and Discernment.

So the end of July is looming on the horizon. For many people it brings the end of another academic year. Up and down the Country teachers breath a sigh of relief and look forward to a few weeks to rest, recover and recouperate before their attentions are turned back to school. For myself it provides an opportunity to take stock, and reflect over the last 12 months.

Like many people attest to, following Jesus is often unpredictable, it is never dull, and there are periods that are full of joy and those that are heavy with sorrow. I could go on but Qoheleth in Ecclesiastes puts it infinitely better...

My year has not turned out to be the year I hoped it might be, but am sure it has been all I needed it to be for the future. My time in Australia was an incredible experience, filled with awesome scenery, amusing and loving people who are now family, albeit far away, and the beginnings of the restoration of my heart.

It was a time and place where my hopes and expectations to see God work amongst young people began to return! Also a renewed sense of hope regarding my partnering with God. Unfortunately after praying to meet a Simon Baker look-a-like the nearest I got was this in the departure lounge in Melbourne Airport, it did make laugh loudly drawing many puzzled glances, but that's not unusual for me!

On my return from Australia,I was incredibly blessed to have the support and love of many friends, enduring patience during my time of confusion, frustration and uncertainty, together with financial provision, as I sought the path I should take. The Church I was in encouraged me to grow a faith to expect the God of miracles to be amongst His people, and to look for His Kingdom to break in its fullest sense.

The book by Mark Yaconelli 'Contemplative Youth Ministry' that I read while in Australia has continued to excite me. I hope that its ideas for developing a youth work around community and learning to listen together and to God, rather than presenting a consumer/entertainment model is one I'm eager to be involved with.

The journey of seeking out the next role has involved a lot of waiting, reading, waiting, praying, and a bit more waiting as currently I still have no job! I pursued a role that excited me, although, initially it wasn't a paid role, I felt I should explore it further. However, it has not developed as I hoped it would. Upon reflection, the process I went through to bring me here has taught me much about balancing the use of my common sense and wisdom, and learning to keep my emotions in check. Over arching the whole process is space to discern what God and the Holy Spirit might be saying. I know I tend to respond emotionally and have to work hard on thinking through problems. I suppose this response is exacerbated in times of uncertainty and vulnerability. Key lesson learnt, ask good questions, don't white wash 'alarm bells' just because you're talking with a Christian about a role with a Christian organisation.



So what now? Tomorrow I am meeting with a leader of an organisation about a job. I am cautious and am prepared with questions I want answered, my emotions are not running ahead of me and I hope I'm in a good place to sense what God is saying, whilst having my brain switched on. I do need to 'feel' a connection but not to the detriment of leaving the wisdom and insight God has given me in my bedside drawer. During the whole process, being reminded to spend time with God, with His Word, with His people that I know, that know me and know Our Father.

Self Leadership and plenty of time in which to do it...

If your diary is packed full, some might ask how you're managing to do everything but if your diary is pretty empty what DO you fill it with?
After returning home from Australia I had 2 weeks getting over jet lag, a brief time in Gloucester house bound due to the snow. Returning home for some interesting times with family over Christmas then on to helping someone settle in to their new home over new year.
The first week in January I attended the YFC Conference where I was able to connect with old and new friends and discuss some new roles coming up which are exciting opportunities.
I've had some encouraging words and pictures given confirming exactly what's going on and what's on my heart and in my mind.
So what now...I'm trying to use my time wisely, to do some reading and studying, exploring some interesting ideas. I spent a couple of days reading Live Like You Mean It by Eric Delve. I found this book encouraging and helpful to set a tone during this time. Each person has to take responsibility for how you use your day. I confess some days are better than others. But like the apostles had to wait for the Holy Spirit before Pentecost and beyond, God's people had to wait for the Messiah as we've been thinking about during advent we all go through times of waiting. When we count down to Christmas we know what date we're working towards...the Apostles didn't know when the Holy Spirit would come. I don't know when my next role will come but all I CAN do is to continue to look towards Jesus as the way, the light of the World. To seek his voice, to perceive his footsteps and to be learning all that he needs me to learn to be ready to go when he next says 'Come this way and follow me'. Just a quick additional statement, Jesus, please don't let it be too long!

Dream on dreamer...

One of the main areas in which God has been speaking to me is in having the faith to dream again. After quite a tough time where I felt God had given me dreams for the work in Gloucester, and to see little of those dreams come to reality it's an awesome work of God's restorative and healing love.

As I've been spending time in a number of areas I've been able to chat and share about vision, hopes and dreams they have for where they are, and the youth in their community. As a result I've found my thinking more about the dreams for the youth in the UK.

What would I like to see happen? I've always had a heart to see God have a massive impact on the youth of our nation. To see lives transformed, to have communities changed and to see the God's Kingdom breaking in. But mostly I want to see young people meet Jesus, to have their whole lives impacted.

I've been

Masks, wine and sunshine!

When I was arranging my flights from Melbourne to Perth if I'm honest my first thought was...which is the cheapest?! For my return flight after our mammoth trip around WA I was re-considering my strategy...as my alarm went off at 4:15am!

So as I arrived at the Australian Staff conference having had little sleep and having to adjust to another time shift, WA is currently 3 hours behind SA, I was looking for coffee to keep me going!

The Staff Conference is held in Daylesford about 2 hours from Melbourne.


Daylesford is a beautiful town and the retreat centre provided us with a beautiful and relaxing setting. Old friends re-connected, new friendships were made and we were blessed with some Bible teaching that challenged and encouraged us. The main theme was learning how to hear God speak to us. The teaching was encouraging as it is an area that God has been challenging me in. I'm still learning about how to give God space to speak and and hear what He's saying. For whatever God has for me in the future I know this will be key.


We made the most of the good weather and beautiful surroundings to have lunch by the lake.

There was no bar for us to empty at the retreat centre, but we did visit a local winery. Whilst there I played a hugely long game of snooker on a full size table.No, this was nothing to do with the wine, all down to a lack of skill... I had to explain the rules a few times, especially after foul shots. "What do you mean I don't get 2 shots?!" The wine was lovely and am inspired to do a search for possible breweries near British Staff conference.

As there is a smaller number of staff they are able to have a more intimate final meal together. I discovered that the theme was a mask ball. Thankfully I was provided with a mask, but did feel more like a burglar than an elegant lady.




I did find myself missing friends from YFC at home and British Conference and am looking forward to catching up with them and hearing what God has been doing at home, and to enjoying my usual tipple!

Hey! Let's do some driving!!

Sorry for not blogging for a while but here's the first entry to help you catch up!
After spending nearly 60 hours in a car over 11 days I don't think I'll ever complain about being on a long car journey again! Amy, one of our team has calculated we drove almost 7000 km, which equates to around 4350 miles. Having just written that I must have been mad to sign up for it...

I flew from Melbourne to Perth and was able to spen a few days there before our mammoth road trip.I loved Perth, some amazing views from Kings Park, beautiful flowers and some nutty tourists...must have been British!

I was working with the Western Australia Branch of YFC, yes Western Australia!So they cover a massive region!For the trip I was in a team with 2 staff from WA Mike and Alyssa, and Amy a staff member from the Hunter Region in NSW. Together with our car and tralier we set off for a very long drive! Our first stop was Newman. Unfortunately we took a slight detour and did some off road driving! The day should have involved about 10 hours of driving but actually ended up being nearly 15 hours. When we arrived at Newman for about 20 minutes I still felt like we were moving, very bizarre!
The second day we set off fairly early to drive up to Broome. At home we often say that it's humid and we need a good thunder storm to clear the air. The humidity in Broome was so high that rain was not helpful, it just increased the humidity! We spent the night, which was Saturday, in the manse for the Uniting Church in the 2 rooms with air con! The minister Darren was a wonderful man who was faithfully serving in a tough situation. In the remote communities people often spend a couple of years working in the mines and then move away having made a decent amount of money. I had no idea about the high turnover of people in these remote communities. Darren explained that many ministers often burned out after a short time. We helped to run the Sunday morning service and met a wonderful group of young people. I left praying that God would give strength and wisdom to the Christians we met.

We did have some time to enjoy the beauty of Cable Beech...sometimes it really is a tough life!

Our next stop was Kununarra, I was driving at this point and had to slow down to take in the amazing views around me. It was a real highlight to see the things I did. Then having arrived in Kununarra we split up and spent time with different hosts. Together with Alyssa I stayed with a couple called Tony and Diane for 2 nights. Both nights we were in bed at 9pm as our time travelling was taking its toll. During the day we were in the District High School having been invited in by the Chaplain Kim...no it's a guy! We ran something called Motivational Media. For more information check out there website: http://motivationalmedia.org.au
It's a good way to develop contact with new schools. We used the 2010 presentation True North. The following day we ran 3 short sessions on the subject of values. I know it was a blessing for Kim as Chaplain and it was a privilege to work in a small remote community with a mixture of students.

From there we travelled to Hall's Creek. It was another small community where we ran Motivational Media together with a small seminar. The highlight for us was meetin one of the Christian teachers, Casey. An amzing young lady who followed God's leading as a new teacher and chose to work in Hall's Creek. She has an amzing heart and passion for God to work in her community and it was a delight to spend time with her. We all left with our hearts full. What a privilege to meet those whom God places in tough situations who have a deep sense of God's call and to see their joy in follow Him! A different highlight was to spend a couple of hours relaxing watching The I.T. Crowd! I can't believe I'd only seen bits...must watch it when I get home! Sorry Al, you've been talking about it for ages, should have listened a bit more!

We then began our way back, via Broome, staying with Mike's sister, it was a great place to rest before heading off to connect with a Chaplain at Meekatharra. The WA Branch have run seminars in the past and I sense they hope to do so again. After a night relaxing we headed down to Mount Magnet to run our last Motivational Media Session You will see the 2 flags outside the school, the Australian Flag and the Aboriginal Flag. The school were contacted and informed that we would be passing their way and accepted the opportunity for us to come and run the program. At the last minute we had a change of venue. The staff said that they would quickly go and ask all the parents for permission to take their childern off site! Whether this happened...?!
During our trip all the technology worked perfectly, until Mt Magnet, we think we overloaded a cicuit. It wasn't a difficult problem to solve but we were so thankful for no technical issues in general.

Lasting memories from the trip:
Going to the toilet, flushing it and screaming loudly as 2 frogs appeared in the bowl...
Meeting some amazing Christians working in remote communities, being able to bless and encourage them
Seeing scenery and visiting places lots of Australians haven't seen



Drinking lots of Iced Coffee
Watching the I.T. Crowd
Making some new friends in Mike, Alyssa and Amy

Lastly, here's our car and tralier:



And because it was funny:

Perfect Stranger

I've been catching up on my Zane Lowe listening on the internet. He played a live session by Magnetic Man who won this year's Mercury Music Prize. One of the tracks they performed was "Perfect Stranger" I hadn't heard this track, as I listened I felt my heart warm and I had to stop and listen a couple of times.

Sorry I've tried to post a video...not happening so go to:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00bfz12

It's beautiful, and I felt described someone's spiritual journey. It reminded me of John the Baptist, the disciples in the boat after Jesus had calmed the storm. Mary Magdalene's relationship with Jesus, the woman at the well and Saul on the road to Damascus.
Here are the lyrics:

i didn't have to turn around
i could feel him in the back of my brain
when i step into the crowd
something told me that i'll meet you today

your energy when you touch me
lifted me off the ground
your words to me are like music

i don't know who you are
all i really know is theres something in your heart
that makes me feel its a new start
all i really know is theres something in your heart

are you from another world
i've never seen someone who looks like you
beautiful stranger how do you do
told me is there something i could do for you

your energy when you touch me
lifted me off the ground
your words to me are like music

i don't know who you are
all i really know is theres something in your heart
that makes me feel its a new start
all i really know is theres something in your heart

something (x9)
oh theres something theres something i can see there
something (x9)
oh theres something theres something i can see there
something (x3)

i don't know who you are
all i really know is theres something in your heart
that makes me feel its a new start
all i really know is theres something in your heart (x2)

something (x3)
oh theres something theres something i can see there
(x4)