Best Laid Plans...

I had intended to blog about my time following 40 Acts during Lent. I had intended to focus on other things. But life got in the way. Life sometimes hurts. A lot!

During Lent I had volunteered to help with a gathering of Streams Teachers at my church on a Saturday. http://www.streamstrainingcentre.co.uk/ I was going to be looking after the teachers by making sure they were 'fed and watered' throughout the day. No problems. But during this day I was 'whacked' with my stuff. My emotions were smashed around and I finished the day having a good old cry with one of the teachers sitting with me. There was nothing she could say to change the situation. It's those questions for which the answers have yet to arrive. During the day I had heard how some of my questions had been answered for other people. God had answered them. He hadn't answered me. And it hurt. A lot!

I gathered myself together taking the many tissues that lay beside me to the bin, and with a deep breath turned my attention to cleaning up the kitchen. Just to get things tidy and get out of there. With the help of other people this was done in good time. I put my coat on to leave and then I noticed it was gone. One of my rings.

With the help of Tony and Dwee we searched around the kitchen and emptied the bin to try and find my ring, but it was nowhere to be found. The only pieces of jewellery I had after the house explosion was my 2 silver rings. Not expensive. They weren't presents or family heirlooms, I had bought them myself. 30 minutes earlier I had sat on the sofa weeping besides a kind lady, looking intently at the ring that was no longer on my finger. The ring had markings on it that resembled rough waves. I had sat there reflecting on how my life was like that ring. Choppy, rough, overwhelming. Because my emotions had been stirred up, a storm was raging inside me. And now that ring was lost overboard.

I went home with wearing my last piece of pre explosion jewellery. And like the bang from my next door neighbour's house last May something went bang inside me. All the intense emotions I experienced came flooding back. Firstly numbness, then shock. My ring had been on finger 30 minutes earlier and then it was gone. Heart wrenching grief. Such pain, such deep, deep pain. I wept and wept. I had lost so much last year and losing my ring had ripped open the wound to expose soft emotional tissue that needed to see the light. I cannot explain it. In life I have not experienced much loss so have little to compare it too. I had no words. Just floods of tears that was closer to wailing. No sound came. Only pain.

The following day at Church, I could not contain the pain. I simply wept. I could do no