Does My Story Matter?

During my weekend at Greenbelt I found that I talked about what had happened to me during the last 16 months to many people. Mostly because I saw people who I hadn't seen for a while. During the weekend I recalled aspects of my recent past that I had not thought about for some time. I remembered points on the journey and saw the enormity of all that I had experienced. It has been intense and painful. I came away from Greenbelt with a burden to begin to write about it. I've been prompted about it for a while, but have been unwilling to allow these prompts to compel me into taking action.

I have much to cover, circumstances of my birth, surviving meningitis, my adoption, family life and the argument at the age of 23 when I was told about my adoption. (Yes, really!) This is before I get to the events of the last 16 months. But it has been these months during which everything has been stripped away forcing me to examine these deep roots. It has pierced emotions and raised questions, doubts and uncertainties. God has shone his light on lies I believed about myself, fears and wrong beliefs.

There are 2 reasons why I didn't want to write about my story. Firstly, it would mean examining some areas that are still very raw. I didn't want to write about them, think about them and tear at the scars. The second is more complex. Was I ready to make myself this vulnerable, to share some of this stuff, because it could fall on deaf ears, does my story matter, and this is the biggest hurdle for me, what if at my most vulnerable I am again rejected or ignored?

But this is the litmus paper of the last 16 months. To see and know deep in my spirit that no matter who may come or go in my life, from the moment of my conception I have been loved. That fears of rejection are based on lies and I refuse to let them back in. To shout from the rooftops that every step of my life I have been accompanied and accepted. That Jesus has never abandoned me.  So no matter who does or does not read about my story,(and actually I know at least a few people will read it!)  Jesus will read it. Jesus will sit with me as I write it. And he never gets bored of me sharing it. He says, Michelle your story matters.